The Waiting Game

The whole process of private, independent adoption is an interesting, frustrating, and in the end (hopefully) rewarding process. The great thing, in comparison to an Agency Adoption, is that you have more "control" over the process. And of course, that's the worse thing because you never really have any control at all. Trying to determine how to present yourself, where to spend money on advertising, which website is worth the money, who you should tell, etc. etc. is very daunting. Once you decide what you want to do in terms of marketing, then it's a waiting game. And, as you wait, you start asking questions: When will someone call us or send us an email? Has anyone clicked on the advertisement? Why aren't people calling? What should we do next? Should we spend more money on the website that was forwarded to us?

What's great about the process is that if you connect with the right situation, then you can avoid some of the red tape and some of the delay that can happen in an Agency Adoption. It can also be much cheaper than going in a different direction. Of course, this approach leaves you out there for potential scammers, and can be costly if you're not smart. And, it is not always cheaper or quicker in comparison to other types of adoption.

The unfortunate reality, is that no matter which way you choose, you are still going to feel a bit out of control. I recommend that if you choose to go through private, independent adoption, you implement the strategies that you can afford and that make you feel the most comfortable. As you may have heard,  "The baby you are meant to have will find you."

As for us. . .we are still in the Waiting Game and we are still weighing our options.

Book Review - Adoption Nation by Adam Pertman

As many of you know by reading this blog, and perhaps by seeing our story online or in one of the NBC pieces about us (The Today Show) , my wife and I adopted our son after several years of fertility treatments and a devastating pre-term loss of identical twins. Because our main goal was to start our family, we embraced the adoption process. However, prior to the successful adoption of our son through a unique set of circumstances, I really didn't know that much about the adoption. Sure, I knew there was domestic and international adoption. And, I knew a little bit about the differences between a closed vs. open adoption. Even though we had a great lawyer who helped us through the process, I didn't really understand the history of adoption and how the process has evolved or over time. Now, more than 2 years after our son was adopted, I feel like I have a better understanding of the adoption process. However, after reading the revised and updated version of Adam Pertman's book Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming Our Families, it is clear that there is still a tremendous amount for me to learn.

Adam Pertman's book provides a comprehensive and in-depth review of all aspects of the adoption process, including international adoptions, domestic adoptions, and a general history of adoption in the United States. I was extremely interested in learning about the history "open" vs "closed" adoptions, and the changes in perception that adoption has gone through over the last 50 years. In his book, Adam states that, "Suddenly - or at least it feels sudden-adoption is being transformed from a quiet, lonely trip along America's back roads to a bustling journey on a cost-to-coast superhighway. The infrastructure has become so extensive that it has made all of us - not just adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents, into fellow travelers" (page 34). My wife and I have experienced the change in the openness of the adoption process first hand. We are certainly proud of our son and how he came into our lives and are not afraid to talk about it. The book also does a very good job of addressing the adoption process on an emotional front. The book does a good job of expressing the way we feel when on page 45 Adam says, "The mistake many people make with that knowledge is concluding that second choice means second best. We adoptive parents know better. To love my son and daughter any more than I do, I would have to grow a second heart."

Adoption Nation is a great book, with interesting stories and real world examples. I believe this book is a must read for those considering adoption, those of us who have completed a successful adoption, individuals generally interested in adoption, politicians, and more importantly, family and friends of people who have adopted or who were adopted. This book does a great job of helping define the overall adoption experience, what to expect, and what people are feeling during every stage of the adoption process. I also especially appreciate Adam's attention to expressing the experience and feelings of those who were adopted.

As I mentioned at beginning of this article, my wife and I are extremely proud of our son and how he came into our lives. We read his adoption story to him nightly, and will be more than happy to help him through his journey as he grows older. Thank you to Adam for writing a book that will help us as we proceed on our own journey, too.

ABOUT THE BOOK:
Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming Our Families
By Adam Pertman, The Harvard Common Press, April 2011, 352 pages, ISBN 978-1-55832-716-0, $16.95 paperback

Is it 2011 Already?

Of course we know that it's 2011, but daylight saving's time got me thinking about how time flies when you're having fun. We are definitely have loads of fun with Noah as he is in full swing as a 2 year old. He's very into trucks and trains, and we can't wait to hear what he has to say about school, his friends or just about anything. His singing is also very cute. We are patiently waiting for a siblling for Noah and know that he will make a great big brother!

Home Study Approved (Yep - Again)!

Thanks to Ellen and the folks at JSSA, we completed our Home Study update and were recently approved! That means we can continue our search for the perfect sibling for Noah. Feel free to share our flier and information with your family and friends. Please contact us at any time if you know of any potential opportunities for us to complete our family. We're looking for a newborn again which will give Noah the opportunity to be a great big brother!

Updated Flyer

Here is our updated flyer. Feel free to pass it along to anyone who might be able to help us complete our family. Thanks again for all of your support.

In Touch Weekly - Issue 1041!

Thank you to In Touch Weekly for posting our picture and a short article about us on page 53 of issue #1041. Our article is in between Bristol Palin and the Trumps!

The Search Continues (Updated 8/12/2010)

Thank you to everyone who sent an email or posted a comment after seeing and reading our story. We appreciate all of your love and support. It's now August 12th and we wanted to let you know that the search continues. As many of you know, we are a loving professional couple with 19 month old Noah looking to adopt a newborn in the United States. We are willing to pay all allowable expenses.

We adopted Noah in December, 2008. He is a happy, warm and loving boy who loves to give hugs & kisses, laugh and play hide and seek. Noah can't wait to have a baby brother or baby sister. Our Story on the NBC Today Moms Blog.

Feel free to contact us at any time. Our email is: melissaandsethadoption@yahoo.com and our Toll free number: 877-577-3362

Did You See Us on CNN?

Believe it or not, we filmed a live spot on CNN! The producer saw our local NBC 4 piece that we were in talking about our journey to adopt Noah. We had fun at CNN and T.J. Holmes was very personable. Melissa, Seth and Noah on CNN

Feel free to contact us at any time if you know of any potential opportunities for us to complete our family.
We're looking for a newborn again which will give Noah the opportunity to be a great big brother!

NBC Today Show Update!

Thank you to Facebook Fairytales, Emily Liebert and The Today Show for the piece that aired this morning at 9:50am. See Us on The Today Show. We were part of 2 stories that were highlighted from the book Facebook Fairytales. We especially appreciate that Al Roker and Sara Haines mention that we are looking for a sibling for Noah. The local NBC spot also appeared on Israeli Local News! (start watching from 14 min 20 seconds)
They were also kind enough to add our story to the NBC Today Moms Blog.

Thank you for all of you supportive comments and well wishes.

NBC Washington Story

On May 11th, 2010 our story was featured on the 11pm news! Unfortunately, they didn't have time to mention that we're searching for a sibling for Noah. BUT, the story is very well done and we are very happy to have been featured in the piece. So far, we've heard that people in Detroit and Wisconsin have also seen the piece - Wow! Feel free to check it out:
Our Story on NBC 4

And, as a result of the NBC piece, we were contacted by ParentDish for an article on their website. We are greatful and honored by everyone's interest in our story:
ParentDish Article About Melissa and Seth