The Saga Continues

Normally, you'd think that the holidays would be a stress free time of year. I've tried to get into all of the decorations, music, and general spirit of the season. But, it's been really tough to be stress free at the moment. A couple of months ago, we decided to try the fertility process again. We were hopeful that the process would work, but knew there were no guarantees and that our chances were on the low end. Here's a time line of what we've been going through:

• November 28, 2011 - After transferring 2 healthy embryos and waiting 10 days, we were informed that Melissa was pregnant!
• November 28,2011 - December 5, 2011 - Through the next 10 days, the HCG numbers continued to increase, but did not progress at a level that made us think that the pregnancy was going well.  We assumed that the lowish numbers were not super positive, but were still hopeful.
• December 5th, 2011 - At about 1:20am, Melissa experienced severe cramps and heavy bleeding. We were sure that Melissa was having a miscarriage and that our concerns about the numbers were proven correct. We spent a long, horrible night dealing with the "loss".
• December 5th, 2011 - Later that morning, we went to the doctor. He saw lots of blood in the uterus and confirmed that Melissa most likely had a miscarriage. However, we were still told to continue the medication and go back to the doctor the following day.
• December 6th, 2011 - We met with our fertility doctor for an ultrasound to confirm the loss. To everyone's surprise, he saw two good looking yolk sacks. We were elated. Not only did Melissa NOT have a miscarriage, but she was pregnant with twins!
• December 6th, 2011 - December 13th, 2011 - We had a great week. It was fun thinking that Melissa was pregnant. Although in the back of our minds we knew that anything could happen, we were still having fun with everything. At the same time, Melissa's body showed all the signs of pregnancy.
• December 13th, 2011 - We saw our fertility doctor again and he said, "It's not good news." Apparently, the sacks weren't growing as expected. He told us to continue on the medicine for another week, but most likely, the outcome would not be positive.
• December 13th, 2011- December 20th, 2011 - We basically experienced the loss again. This week was terrible as we were both sad. Not only that, but every time we had to give Melissa a shot was a reminder of the fact that the process wasn't working.
• December 20th, 2011 - We saw the fertility doctor again for the final ultrasound and he confirmed that this cycle was not successful.

Although 2011 has been filled with stress, we are looking forward to 2012 and finding the baby that will complete our family. We know that Noah will make a great big brother and we, of course, are looking forward to sharing our love with another baby.

Just in Case You Are New to the Site

Hey Everyone,
Just in case you are new to the site, or perhaps you read about us in a recent article (Parenting Magazine), I thought I'd re-post some information about us. As you probably know, we continue to try to use the internet, Facebook and word of mouth to get the word out about our search. You might also want to ready our story that was featured on Oprah.com! Check it out by clicking on Waiting for A Baby. Feel free to email us at any time with your comments.

Whew - June Has Been A Tough One!

Over the last few months, we took a short break from actively networking and going through all of our adoption marketing options because it felt like we were running on a treadmill. Since we had the option to try another fertility cycle, Melissa decided that we should go for it. After all, even though the chances were slim that it would work, doing something was better than doing nothing.  So, we went through the process, the pre-testing, the shots (over 90), the embryo transplant, and the waiting, waiting, waiting. We were pleasantly surprised when we found out that Melissa was pregnant. What a great feeling! After the positive blood tests and great HCG levels, we were certain that Melissa was on her way. We were happy, nervous, scared, excited. . .But, of course, it wasn't to be. 6 weeks into the pregnancy, Melissa had a miscarriage. We often wonder why we are on this type of a journey when others seem to have it so easy. We don't dwell on it, but it is a bit curious. Did we do something in a previous life? Are we on this journey so that we can help others? This ongoing experience also makes me keenly aware that we never really know what's going on in other people's lives. Sure, folks may seem happy on the outside - may appear to have everything going for them. . .but, they may be struggling with difficult stuff at home. If you were to meet Melissa and me on the street, you'd never know our story (unless of course, you've read the blog or seen the NBC spots!).

In any event, I appear to be rambling now. . The culmination of our most recent loss happened in June. It's been a rough couple of weeks, and boy are we happy that June is over next week!

Life is Like The Lottery

It's a good thing we don't buy a lot of lottery tickets, because as it turns out, we are not very lucky. Of course, we were super lucky when it comes to how we came to adopt Noah. But, the rest of the time, our luck has not held out very well. Today, we found out that another option we pursued to complete our family did not come to fruition as we had hoped. We are both disappointed, but there's nothing we can do. . .the reality is that it feels like this whole process is like trying to win the lottery. Very few people win, and the rest keep trying and trying. . .

June 2011

If you're reading this post, then you probably know that we have been pursuing the adoption of a sibling for Noah for quite some time. I just wanted to let you know that we've decided to take a break from this process for a bit.  As a result, we've turned off our toll free number. Feel free to email us though at any time.
Thanks!

The Waiting Game

The whole process of private, independent adoption is an interesting, frustrating, and in the end (hopefully) rewarding process. The great thing, in comparison to an Agency Adoption, is that you have more "control" over the process. And of course, that's the worse thing because you never really have any control at all. Trying to determine how to present yourself, where to spend money on advertising, which website is worth the money, who you should tell, etc. etc. is very daunting. Once you decide what you want to do in terms of marketing, then it's a waiting game. And, as you wait, you start asking questions: When will someone call us or send us an email? Has anyone clicked on the advertisement? Why aren't people calling? What should we do next? Should we spend more money on the website that was forwarded to us?

What's great about the process is that if you connect with the right situation, then you can avoid some of the red tape and some of the delay that can happen in an Agency Adoption. It can also be much cheaper than going in a different direction. Of course, this approach leaves you out there for potential scammers, and can be costly if you're not smart. And, it is not always cheaper or quicker in comparison to other types of adoption.

The unfortunate reality, is that no matter which way you choose, you are still going to feel a bit out of control. I recommend that if you choose to go through private, independent adoption, you implement the strategies that you can afford and that make you feel the most comfortable. As you may have heard,  "The baby you are meant to have will find you."

As for us. . .we are still in the Waiting Game and we are still weighing our options.

Book Review - Adoption Nation by Adam Pertman

As many of you know by reading this blog, and perhaps by seeing our story online or in one of the NBC pieces about us (The Today Show) , my wife and I adopted our son after several years of fertility treatments and a devastating pre-term loss of identical twins. Because our main goal was to start our family, we embraced the adoption process. However, prior to the successful adoption of our son through a unique set of circumstances, I really didn't know that much about the adoption. Sure, I knew there was domestic and international adoption. And, I knew a little bit about the differences between a closed vs. open adoption. Even though we had a great lawyer who helped us through the process, I didn't really understand the history of adoption and how the process has evolved or over time. Now, more than 2 years after our son was adopted, I feel like I have a better understanding of the adoption process. However, after reading the revised and updated version of Adam Pertman's book Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming Our Families, it is clear that there is still a tremendous amount for me to learn.

Adam Pertman's book provides a comprehensive and in-depth review of all aspects of the adoption process, including international adoptions, domestic adoptions, and a general history of adoption in the United States. I was extremely interested in learning about the history "open" vs "closed" adoptions, and the changes in perception that adoption has gone through over the last 50 years. In his book, Adam states that, "Suddenly - or at least it feels sudden-adoption is being transformed from a quiet, lonely trip along America's back roads to a bustling journey on a cost-to-coast superhighway. The infrastructure has become so extensive that it has made all of us - not just adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents, into fellow travelers" (page 34). My wife and I have experienced the change in the openness of the adoption process first hand. We are certainly proud of our son and how he came into our lives and are not afraid to talk about it. The book also does a very good job of addressing the adoption process on an emotional front. The book does a good job of expressing the way we feel when on page 45 Adam says, "The mistake many people make with that knowledge is concluding that second choice means second best. We adoptive parents know better. To love my son and daughter any more than I do, I would have to grow a second heart."

Adoption Nation is a great book, with interesting stories and real world examples. I believe this book is a must read for those considering adoption, those of us who have completed a successful adoption, individuals generally interested in adoption, politicians, and more importantly, family and friends of people who have adopted or who were adopted. This book does a great job of helping define the overall adoption experience, what to expect, and what people are feeling during every stage of the adoption process. I also especially appreciate Adam's attention to expressing the experience and feelings of those who were adopted.

As I mentioned at beginning of this article, my wife and I are extremely proud of our son and how he came into our lives. We read his adoption story to him nightly, and will be more than happy to help him through his journey as he grows older. Thank you to Adam for writing a book that will help us as we proceed on our own journey, too.

ABOUT THE BOOK:
Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming Our Families
By Adam Pertman, The Harvard Common Press, April 2011, 352 pages, ISBN 978-1-55832-716-0, $16.95 paperback

Is it 2011 Already?

Of course we know that it's 2011, but daylight saving's time got me thinking about how time flies when you're having fun. We are definitely have loads of fun with Noah as he is in full swing as a 2 year old. He's very into trucks and trains, and we can't wait to hear what he has to say about school, his friends or just about anything. His singing is also very cute. We are patiently waiting for a siblling for Noah and know that he will make a great big brother!